Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize