my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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