I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
