I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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