when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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