mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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