I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
