so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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