it hurts more in the daytime
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize