Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
