Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize