after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
