Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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