You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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