Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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