20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
