Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize