I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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