Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
