Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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