I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize