Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
