I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
