Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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