The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
