What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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