Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
