I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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