so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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