I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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