return my video game
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
