trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your penis caused this!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
