I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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