I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
