all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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