If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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