Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
