you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
