oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
