Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
