He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
