I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
