it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
