not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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