I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
