I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
