I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
