beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Text me some of your sweat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
