Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
