The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
