Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
