He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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