two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
