I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize