those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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