A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
