I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
