i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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