..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
