Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
