You can't special order awesome
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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