My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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