I will die if light touches me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize