I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
