So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
