I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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