You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
