So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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