She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
