So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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