Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am one with the molecules
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
