I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mom said you looked used
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
