Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
