you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
